What Would You Change?
I recently asked people in my sphere "if you could change 3 things in your life, what would you change?"
Originally, I thought that this would help me to identify what it is that people actually want - and more specifically, what they want HELP with - which would help me in my business.
But I soon realised that this exercise taught me way more than that.
Asking the question "if you could change 3 things in or about your life" revealed to me that most people don't know what they want. Ok, that's fine, but I wasn't asking people what they wanted to add to their life, I asked what they wanted to change or alter or remove.....what I discovered is that people also don't know what they don't want either.
I thought that most people knew right away what they Don't want - which equals what they want to change...but I found people took hours, days, and even some still have not responded to my inquiry.
So the question is WHY?
The answer is probably as individual as a fingerprint, but I will tell you why I think people took so long to answer that question:
- People don't have plans.
This is not to be confused with dreams, goals, or aspirations. People dream of retirement, owning a Ferrari, having a vacation, etc. I'm talking about PLANS - measurable, attainable, structured Plans for their lives, relationships, health, career, etc.
There is an old saying "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail."
Now, I'm not saying that I have a plan for my life either - but I am acutely aware of my lack of a plan and have set about creating a Project Plan for my life (watch this blog for more on running your life like a business!).
- People are lazy.
Let's face it, people are happy with status quo and would rather complain about things than change things. Me too - I complain about being 30 lbs overweight, and even though I know what it takes to change this, I still am bigger than I want to be and bitching about it.
Why? Because people get apathetic.
Why would I change?
Behavioural Psychologists know that Pain is one of the only motivators for change. People have to get so uncomfortable with their situation that they have no choice but to change. We all know this as the smoker that can give up a 40-year habit when they have been given a diagnosis of cancer.
- People are in survival mode.
Let's face it, you grow up and leave home, full of hope, promise, talent and energy. And then, SLAM "real life" hits you in the face and says "Who the heck are you buddy? And who the heck cares?"
And that's when it starts. When we start to "settle" and settling may be a great job at a reliable company, or a management position just out of school that you have to take to pay down your student loans, or marrying someone because everyone in your circle is doing it, whatever your story is - at some point, you put off living your dream in place of doing what you thought was right for you at the time.
There is nothing wrong with this. it's normal. But we put off those dreams one decision at a time, until....tomorrow? Retirement? the kids leave home?
In the meantime...we stop dreaming. We stop thinking about change because change becomes scary. We've got a mortgage, kids, responsibilities - we can't throw it all away for flights of fancy. But are they flights of fancy? Most people won't even allow themselves to dream anymore because they are in survival mode - you know that mode, don't you? Where you are living pay cheque to pay cheque, day in and day out, getting distracted by mundane life and just counting the years til retirement...if you're lucky enough to be able to afford a retirement.
My whole point is, people don't want to tell me what they want to change, because maybe then they will have to admit to their own conscious mind that they are not happy with all elements of their life. This may cause a crack in the foundation to be exposed. But my observation is: it's already there.
Talk soon!